i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
