Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
