I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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