I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
