I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
