Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize