You work out of a Hotel?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
