He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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