Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
