remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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