I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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