tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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