Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
