My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
