You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
