I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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