I wish I only lived at night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
