i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
