Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
