im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
