We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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