A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
