And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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