It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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