The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
