Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
