I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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