I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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