trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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