i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
