i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
