So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize