so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
