She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
