You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my liver is dry heaving
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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