Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
