i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
