he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
