also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can I color on your dick again?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
