i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
