He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
