Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
