Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
