im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
