I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
