Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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