I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You made out with two different species that night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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