a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
