but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
