So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
