I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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