No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
