I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
