Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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