Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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