***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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