And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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