i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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