U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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