Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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