The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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