none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
