if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
