Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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