so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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