none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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