: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
