Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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