The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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