i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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