Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize