I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
