At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
