We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
