who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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