I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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