youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
